


Blinded

by Wackadaisicl



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, But Very Clearly Implied, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Beta Read, This is hilariously bad, no graphic descriptions, no happy ending, oof, reed900
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25110085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wackadaisicl/pseuds/Wackadaisicl
Summary: RK900 will never again let itself be blinded by emotions.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	Blinded

**Author's Note:**

> This is so bad it’s almost funny. I’ve been writing this whenever I feel sad just to make myself sadder so it’s not really my best work.
> 
> TW: IMPLIED SUICIDE, please stay safe! If this could potentially be triggering please do not read. It may not always seem like it but things can get better and you can get help if you need it.

Gavin is in love with Nines. 

It was scary, the first time he realized this, but he had long accepted it at this point. Nines is pretty much his everything. Sometimes the android was the only reason he woke up in the morning. It was certainly the first time in a long time he had felt this way about someone. The previous and first time being when he was still a dumb teenager with no idea how to navigate his own feelings, much less another person’s. 

He wasn’t a dumb teenager anymore, but he still struggled with emotions. It had gotten better with Nines, though. His partner had also struggled with emotions for a while, being completely new to them and all. As they slowly became closer, Nines had proposed they help each other with their shared struggle so they could grow together. Initially he had been very much opposed to the idea but Nines’ calm, analytical skills proved to be the perfect approach he needed but lacked himself. 

He supposed he was helpful to Nines as someone more experienced. It was nearly perfect, really. Nines probably downloaded some therapist software too, he had no doubt. Together, they had both grown as people. Nines developed his own personality outside of his programming and Gavin found better coping mechanisms. He stopped lashing out at people so much and started being less of an asshole overall. 

Him and Nines were a good team, both on the field and out. He wasn’t entirely sure when they started dating. After they got over their initial antagonizing, they slowly became friends. Nines moved in with Gavin and their relationship evolved from there. Eventually they started doing couple-y things like cuddling and holding hands and kissing and it became increasingly obvious their feelings went beyond friendship. It was an unspoken understanding, something they just accepted and adapted accordingly to. 

That is, until their first “I love you”s. It wasn’t a happy moment, what with Gavin almost dying in an alley and all, but it worked. He had survived and they only grew closer. Nines was truly one of the only good things in Gavin’s life and he was beyond grateful for his boyfriend. Gavin loves Nines.

~~~~~~~~~

“I think we should break up.”

Nines was standing across the room from Gavin, having just walked in through the door. He froze midway through slipping his shoes off and turned his gaze to Gavin.

“What?”

“You heard me,” Gavin spat. 

He hated this, he hated this so much.

“Gavin, what’s wrong?”

He hated the way he nearly broke in Nines’ concerned gaze.

“This isn’t working. You need to pack your things and leave. Now.”

“Gavin, where is this coming from? Please just talk to me. Whatever’s going on, we can work through it.”

Goddamnit, why can’t he just make this easy?

“This isn’t something to ‘work through’” he searched his mind for something, anything that would be hurtful enough Nines would get angry. “You’re a phking machine without feelings and I’m tired of pretending you do.” Perfect.

He hated the part of him that dearly hoped Nines would see through his lies. Would recognize his old coping mechanism and call him out on his bullshit like he always does. It was growing difficult to keep up the angry facade.

“You can’t honestly believe that.” Nine’s eyes darkened and his expression grew cold. It was working.

“What? Did you think I had changed my mind on androids? Did you think  _ you  _ had changed my mind?”

“I-”

“Did you think you were ever anything more than a toy to me?”

Nines’ LED was flashing red as he stood there, speechless.

“Oh right, I forgot. You can’t think.” He hated the pain on Nines’ face. If only the android could see his own pain ‘caused by his own words. “Look, I can’t keep this up anymore. Just leave before I have to force you out.”

Minutes passed before Nines seemed to finally gather himself. He pulled his shoes back on and grabbed his coat before going out the door he had only just entered. 

As soon as the door slammed shut, Gavin physically collapsed onto the floor. His head pounded and the tears soaked his shirt. Snot was pouring into his mouth but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter, nothing did anymore.

~~~~~~~~~

A month passed and they still hadn’t talked to each other. Nines had tried on multiple occasions but Gavin always brushed him off. When Gavin finally requested to transfer partners, Nines realized it was really over. He went to their old apartment to grab his belongings when he knew Gavin was out, though he couldn’t bring himself to leave his key.

He ignored the part of him that longed for his ex boyfriend, hoped they could get back together, missed him with every beat of his synthetic heart. It was hard, but he eventually came to terms with his new life without Gavin.

He told himself he wasn’t worried about Gavin when he didn’t come to work one day. He just pushed through his work. He was currently writing a report for a case he had recently closed. This one needed to be written on paper for some reason, he wasn’t sure. Nines found himself unable to concentrate on much that day and had unfortunately missed that detail. This is what led him to the rarely opened drawer containing his pens.

He was taken aback when he found an envelope with his name written on it inside. Examining it, he found no threat. Not that he was surprised, he had immediately recognized the sloppy handwriting. Better safe than sorry, though. Finally, he picked up the envelope and opened it.

Nines was thankful for his upgraded processors that allowed him to scan the page in mere seconds. Because of them, he wasted almost no time before rushing out of the precinct and to his car.

_ Nines, _

_ I told myself I wouldn’t write this. It will only hurt you more than I already have. _

He missed the key slot twice in his rush which only made him panic more. Finally, he turned the key and pulled out of his parking space without looking for pedestrians. He spared only a second to be thankful he hadn’t hit anyone and sped out of the parking lot.

_ But I couldn’t help myself. I needed to tell you I’m sorry. _

He cursed as he was forced to stop at a red light with far too much traffic to even attempt maneuvering around. The law was not his first priority at the moment.

_ I know you tried to help me, and you really did in many ways. I was a better person because of you. You made me want to be a better person. _

Cars’ horns honked as he slammed the gas but he could hardly care. Gavin’s in trouble and it was all his fault. He knew there was more going on but he didn’t do anything about it. 

_ But I knew I’d never be enough. I didn’t deserve you, I never could. _

He told himself Gavin needed space and it was for the best. That it wasn’t his own hurt driving his actions.

_ I doubt anyone truly deserves your love but I hope you do find someone better than me. That’s what you deserve. _

He knew, he knew, he knew. After all the times Gavin had been there for him, reassured him, made him feel alive, he knew. Gavin’s claims had come out of nowhere and just didn’t line up. His body language, higher pitched voice and vitals all pointed to deceit. He was built for detective work, of course he knew. But he did nothing. He let his own emotions blind him.

_ I tried so hard for you but it’s too much. I can’t handle the pain anymore. Just existing is excruciating. It was manageable with you but now you’re gone and it’s all my fault.  _

He could see his old apartment building in the distance. Just a little further. 

_ I guess this is supposed to be my goodbye. I never meant all that bullshit I said. _

More cars honked as he forgot to use his turning signal when turning into the apartment’s parking lot. He almost sighed from relief at the sight of Gavin’s car in it’s usual parking spot. At least Gavin was home and Nines wouldn’t have to go searching for him.

_ I’m so sorry I put you through so much shit. You’ll never have to deal with me again. No one will. You’ll be so much happier without me and I’m glad I can give you something. _

He didn’t bother closing his door as he jumped out of his car and practically flew up the many stairs leading to his old apartment. He desperately scrambled for his key he still carried on him.

Nines had a vague, heartbreaking idea of what he’d find as he opened the door. A sobbing Gavin at their kitchen table, a bottle of whiskey and gun sat right in front of him on the table, maybe a picture of something or someone Gavin held dear. He thought maybe he’d be in that picture. This is the scene Connor had explained he used to find Hank in, before he started therapy and eventually became sober.

This was not what Nines saw.

_ I love you, Nines.  _

_ ~Gavin _

Nines had known something was wrong and he had done nothing. He hadn’t been there when Gavin needed him and now it was too late.

Never again. 

  
  


**_Factory Reset?_ **

[YES]

[NO]

  
  


RK900 will never again let itself be blinded by emotions.

_ -[YES] _

**Author's Note:**

> Awesome, wow! (I’m sorry, I just watched the Hamilton movie. Again) So uh, yeah. That’s... that’s it. Thanks for wasting your time on my depression fic! (Seriously, thanks for reading! This is an actual disaster so I appreciate you pushing through it) If you want, you can tell me how much you hate me in the comments! Have a fantabulous day, stay safe and stay hydrated!


End file.
